ballad of a porky woman

paul was a polish poker player
with one bad habit: to fart in the foyer
of the big casino where he used to mop
paul was hip and his hip used to pop

his job as a janitor made him very happy
he would hum and sway and be in a good mood
but his mean, fat wife only wanted food
so his life at home was really really crappy

so paul played more poker, stayed out all night,
while his wife ate and ate with all of her might
he didnt go home for a year and a  month
and when he returned his wife was crying broth!

she had flooded the house with her tears
and all the windows and walls had greasy oil smears
she had quintupled in size
and had breadcrumbs in her eyes.

her hands had become giant spoons
and all of her body parts resembled balloons
her hair was like rice noodles before boiling
alas, there was no where she'd be going.

so paul sat and thought what to do
and got a great idea that would make money, too:
"come in for the meal of your life
a bite of poker playing polish paul's porky wife!"

it was a great success, everyone spread the word
people came in from all over the world!
in a month she was done
not dead, not at all, but to paul's surprise as slim as a cruton!

paul couldn't believe it, she became so nice
she was smiling at last and didn't think of rice
so he took the million dollars he made playing poker and serving his wife as a meal
and they eloped together to live the wondrous, happy life of freewheel.